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Friday, October 31, 2008
dislike

I feel caution towards her. In fact, I may even feel more cautious than Lyle. Just looking at the girl, hearing her name, and acknowledging her presence in front of him, makes me shiver underneath. I've been dying to project a disgusted face for her, but I couldn't because morally, I should not. Honestly, having her around the school isn't convenient for me. I think, or I should rather say I feel, that she'd be a threat to the psychological relationship between me and my psychological husband.

From time to time, I feel threatened when I know I shouldn't. Most probably it's because that we are not committed and I know, he has the freedom to go anywhere and be with anyone whom he desires.

Even if I cry in front of him, if that what he really wants, then I could do nothing about.

I am not the person who could be happy for a beloved. I am also not the person who'd be hurt if my loved one is hurt. I am a person who'd be happy as long as I am with the person I like.

I know. I sound really selfish. I'm SORRY.